'Til Death Do Us Part

Why do you think people choose to hurt each other and themselves instead of working hard to remain happy. It seems that, at least this generation of men and women, have decided the easier way out is to hurt and get over it then to commit, work hard and accept bad times as part of the good.

Men and women are independent and think they can probably be that way forever, so love happens less frequently. Real love, dependent love. People, I find, quit while they are ahead.

It's hard not to quit. It's hard not to quit anything you do, it's hard not to quit anything you love. If you quit, it won't hurt as much if you fail. And you will never know if you would have failed.

My friend has been seeing a man who she really felt something for. Now this is a friend who does not shy away from serious relationships. She goes for it each time, works at it, analyzes it, give it a good chance. They just seem to fail for one reason or another. Generally she gives up on them, after good thought, she decides it is not for her, one reason or another.

Only this time, the man she was seeing decided to give up on her. He decided it wasn't the right time for him, that if he ended it now, it would save them both. And she is devastated. I would be too. Afterall, she was ready to go for it, she was ready to try, despite the long distance (this was a bicaostal relationship), despite the difference in life/religous practice. She would try. She liked him, afterall. Why quit?

Well, apparently he thought it would be easier that way. So he did.

The truth is that people survive. We are all survivors. Things falter and we recover. We do. It is only natural. And the only advice to ever give to an ailing friend is that with time it will pass, you will move on and, inevitably, you will be happy. So maybe quitting is not so bad. You all end up ok. Scars and all.

I think about my career quite often. What should I do with it, how can I be more successful, how many road blocks should I overcome to get there? I mean I am pursuing music, there is no delineated path. You just walk it and whatever turn the path decides to make you have to follow it. There are peaks and valleys, successes, failures and the worst- plateaus. I think it is during the plateaus that I wonder, what am I doing here. I am for the most part broke, I am no where that I have not been and I am still standing, but where am I going. All of my other friends experience success, they seem to move ahead in whatever career path they have chosen. What about me?

Should I just quit?

And I think that, I wonder if I should just quit, while I am ahead. I mean it's not as though nothing has ever gone right for me in my career. I have had great experiences with my music. I could leave it here and pursue an entire different happiness. Not sure what it would be, but I am often sure, if I quit it would hurt, but I would end up happy in the end. I mean doesn't everyone find happiness??

But I don't think so. I am not sure that is true in love. And I love music as much as I've loved any man. And believe me, listen to my songs, I have loved. So why would I quit when I was ahead. What happened to 'til death do us part. What happened to feeling love and then committing to that feeling. Working for it.

No one on earth would tell you that love is going to be easy. No one in their right mind would tell you that pursuing something you love, a passion, is going to be easy.

So I don't quit, I keep going. Maybe if people worked for their passion in love and in life there would be less quitting and much more succeeding.

Life is not perfect and moving on is possible. There are situations that are worth getting out of, but there are other situations that are hard, but worth sticking to. I watch my friend in tears and I wish that this man would have tried for something I think was a great thing.

I look at myself in the mirror, voiceless, musicless and I think to myself, why would I give up? Even here, even at my lowest point? Why would I give up now on something I'm in love with? Just because its hard?

I won't. Til death do us part.

xRed Out Loud