Choose Your Words Wisely

Well Everyone, tomorrow is my 7th day of silence and, wahoo, I get to speak. Here's the catch I am alloted about 3-5 minute per hour per day for the next 7 days. I can't decide which will be harder for me. 7 straight days on no talking at all or 7 days where it's just simply a tease to speak. I will have to choose which words are worth saying, which words are not.

I will say that certain people have a knack for choosing their words wisely, and those people probably stay out of loads of trouble, that I find myself getting into on a consistent basis. Trouble for me ranges from being friendly to too many of the wrong people, flirting back with men just to make them feel good, ending up with friends I just did not want in the first place. And then, well, there are my opinions. I have a lot of them and I don't hide them. If I don't like what someone is wearing I'll say it, if I don't like what they say, I will say it. Then of course there is the matter of my loved ones. I am a fighter and I never let things rest unless I feel I have gotten the last word. Basically, what I am trying to say is I am a tough one, I use massive amounts of words and voice to get points across. I am not shy.

So this week, you can imagine, must have been trying. But in fact, I have gotten used to not speaking. I have gotten used to listening and I have gotten used to thinking the things I would say but not saying them. And guess what, I have averted many arguments I otherwise would have had. When you are forced to listen and not speak, you hear what the other person says, you think about, you digest it, because you have to and then you just look back. That is all you have. Your stare. And let me tell you, it gets your point across and hurts the person much less.

For example, in my weak state my mother thought tonight would be a good time to ask me if I'd like to go back to grad school. My mother is constantly supportive of my career goals while trying to divert me as at once, to calm her fears in some way or another. Oh, the Jewish mother. Oh, the mother in general. Normally I'd have yelled, screamed, said horrible things. But all I could do was roll my eyes, look at her and pitifully mouth, "you are going to do this right now?" My dad said, "well, we worry about you." And again, all I had were my eyes and a little chin jut. And miraculously, the conversation ended. No words on my part, no nothing. It ended, I got their point, they got mine. And no one cried! It was brilliant. Actually it was miraculous, really.

Then, the downside, I am limited to IM, e mail, text and a notepad. Today, my friend was dumped by her boyfriend. Dumped, my best friend. For the first time in her life. And I could not even call her. I had to pacify her through g chat. I feel incapacitated and I feel I am a bad friend.

And here is the worst! Or maybe it is for the best. Tomorrow I am meeting Dean's mother for the first time. She is here from England and I will not be able to say more then "hello, how are you?" How about that for dilemma?

I guess there are perks and downsides. Life in general, right?

Tomorrow I get words back. But not all of them. So I will have to choose now. I can't fall back on my inability to speak, but I can't go all out screaming and yelling all the time. I will have to think before speaking, decide when its worth it and when it's not, and make sure I get my points across, succinctly.

I will have to choose my words wisely...which will be much more of a challenge then choosing none at all.

xRedoutloud