5:58 AM

It is 5:58 am. I am awake by accident. It is now officially 6 and a half days until the doctor scratches up my vocal cords. that makes it 6 and a half days until I enter a 7 day silence. Which at first sounded like a funny joke to me, I mean what better a punishment for years of big mouthing it then to have to shut up for 7 days, but I must say I am really nervous about it. Not because it won't be fun, not because I will be lonely and not because I won't be able to communicate, but literally because I am afraid I won't be able to do it. I am sort of scared that I will actually just forget to keep quiet, that I will unravel, give up, or worse speak in my sleep. My speech pathologist told me I can not make a sound, not even cough, not laugh, not nothing.

So now I am up at 5:58 am on a Saturday morning thinking about how I am going to get through these 7 days. And in thinking about how, I sort of start to think, why?

Why do I care this much about my voice. I've just had 3 months off, 3 months, and I am not sure what I have accomplished. I have not been working, I have not been writing any new material and I have not been pushing my music in any which direction at all. All of the video footage that I have taken for the documentary is sitting on hard drive in my boyfriend's apartment waiting to be edited. I've tried, but it's difficult and time consuming and I don't really know how to use the program. I have this blog, but I have not figured out how to upload photos or make it look like anything more then a standard on line blog.

Basically, I am stuck, stuck and can't even sleep through it. It is strange to fall so low and not really know what to do about it other then wait and see how things pan out.