The night before

Tonight is the night before my show at the Mint. So far I have spent a very relaxing day for the most part on my own. I had a quick meeting at BMI- the publishing network I am attached to. These are non profit organizations that handle royalties for artists and in turn are great for artist relations. Well I have no royalties as of yet....but I do like to network and relate, so this meeting was a fun one. I am not sure how much they can actually help me, but its good to meet people in the business out here, even if everyone's answer seems to be that its just hard. Well, hard does not scare me! Then I met with my friend Elana who recently got married, we had coffee at the infamous coffee bean and tea leaf (here in bev hills), I went and ate some dinner on my own, read more of THE SECRET in order to maintain my positive attitude and now I am in my temporary LA apartment (Thank you JOSH ALTMAN)!

My boyfriend and I had a great idea today. We decided he should come and meet me out here. I figure by Sunday I could use some company, moral support, vacation fun (plus will be nice to have him take me out to eat since I am basically broke)!- Just kidding, baby.

Well this all started as a happy go lucky idea, figured should be easy to put into place, however my boyfriend recently moved here from London and has a UK credit card and an american debit/credit card, one which is not taking on www.cheaptickets.com. Note to self, never use cheaptickets.com again! Dean (my love) is English, VERY, his accent is strong, strong , strong. And while he thinks most people should understand it, well, they don't. I only recently began to understand what he says to me (perhaps indicating the reason for the success of our relationship- who knows ;)). Anyway- no matter which way either of us put his credit card information in, the system simply would not budge. Please keep in mind- this was over the course of 2 hours....my internet here running slow and the dogs at home tearing apart the apartment on Deans end. No matter how many times we tried the only thing we could manage was to incur the 5 dollar processing fee over and over again, but no ticket purchase.

Finally we were brain enouh to switche avenues, went through priceline and jetblue and Dean arrives at 10 pm on Sunday night.

Phew!

now all I have to worry about is my set list, my voice, my show and my turnout tomorrow! That's nothing compared to this tickets disaster!

I am thrilled about tomorrow night. I have added a keyboard player and percussionist to my set and it sounds brilliant. We were able to rehearse in a super cool rehearsal space in Hllywood called Coles....very stripped and rustic but cool all the same. My percussionist, whose last name really is Lovejoy, brought many percussion toys along with him to rehearsal and helped get a great sound for the otherwise very rootsy, stripped set. And he brought in a keyboard player who killed it with one day to prepare! Dov sounded great and so needless to say, I am super psyched to share my music with an almost entirely new audience tomorrow! My positive mental attitude (a new one for me) is telling me that things will go great, smoothly and singing will be a breeze!

I will let you know how it all pans out!

x,
Red Out Loud
ps i realize that i said super many times in that last paragraph! Sorrrry.....

West Coast

I find myself here in Los Angeles (Santa Monica at the moment, to be exact), awaiting my big show on Tuesday. The show is turning out to be a bigger one then expected. Not only has my friend Shai promoted the hell out of it to his good friends, he has promoted the hell out of it to various executives and assistants that he is friendly with at different agencies in the area. So, needless to say, I am now nervous. It is a strange experience to go out of town and play for an entirely new audience. I am used to Manhattan, my friends in Manhattan, the industry I know so well in Manhattan and the venues in Manhattan. The idea of playing for people who have never heard my music before, who are just coming out on a whim because a friend suggested they do is a very daunting thought to me. Don't get me wrong, I will have some family there and then of course some great friends of mine who live in the area, but for the most part it will be unfamiliar territory. And I am afraid people won't like it. I know it makes no sense to have negative thoughts, in fact, I know having negative thoughts often makes negative thoughts come true, so I am trying not to have them. I am trying to be excited about sharing the stage with new musicians, sharing my music with new people and having a chance to introduce myself and my music to some new people who may be able to help me take it in a new direction. I have my fingers crossed!

I decided last minute to hire a percussionist and then VERY last minute to hire a keyboard player. We have rehearsal tonight. My friend Dov, from the band Fools For April is opening up for me and then playing guitar and singing for me in my band. He seemed slightly perturbed to have me add last minute players to the band. I am not sure if its because he is playing acoustic with his partner and me on background vocals or because it means we had to add a rehearsal to our otherwise VERY laid back LA schedule....either way, sometimes you gotta do whats best for you and hope the people around you roll with it. He seems to be rolling. Last preperation act is to get him a guitar because unfortunately for both of us, upon his arrival to LA he found that his guitar had broken in a crucial spot and is being fixed, but will be ready only on MONDAY! Damn! More money out to the window.....for some reason I have no job for the first time in my life and my mentality about money has shifted from careful to money is no object. Its almost as though when I spend my money on my music its as if its going to some sort of charitable cause- so i feel no guilt!

Silly me....

And then in all of this, my voice.....I am so nercous about my voice. I just need it to hold strong tonight and then on Tuesday. I am praying that I sound good for this show. I may pop an extra steroid pill on Tuesday just to be sure. And after that I have no clue when I will be singing again. Which is such a strange feeling on so many levels. My surgery is not officially scheduled, due to insurance issues, which is a whole other entry full of material. Either way it means I have no time line for when I will recorver from the surgery and when I might sing again. Which makes this show mean so much to me on so many levels, because after this the fun is over. It will be all business from then until I can sing again. Promotin gmyself, meeting people, writing, networking and just putting things into place for when I am ready to continue on my professional journey.....

So scared! Pray for me. I am reading a book called the secret which is telling me if I simply think happy thoughts they will come true. So I am thinking happy thoughts!

x,
Red Out Loud

Depressed.

I am preparing for my trip to LA and for my show on Wednesday, by preparing I mean, barely getting anything done at all. In fact right now, instead of sifting through clothing trying to pick out some semblence of an few outfits that might allow me to appear a little less New York for my two week LA stint, I am watching Vh1 debate whether Ashlee or Jessica Simpson are better then then other.

When did either one of them become worth anybody's time?

I remember seeing Jessica Simpson play her radio promotion showcase at the Bottom Line when I was 18 years old. I was about to start school at new York University full of dreams of hitting New York running. I couldnt believe I was surrounded by all of these "executives." I went with a family friend who worked in the business and I thought I was so old and mature and it is only now, at this point in my life (mid twenties) that I can see just how young a girl is and probably acts at 18,19,20. Either way, this was one of my first experiences spending any time on any side of this crazy business of music. And I thought Jessica Simpson was just fabulous and gorgeous. Again, I knew very little, remember, I was only 18. Regardless, it solidified my presence on earth. It was what I was meant to do...It is what I am meant to do, I mean on every level I should be able to surpass a woman who is as talentless and brainless and in, my opinion, heartless as Jessica Simpson. Harsh, I know. And since then I have faced lots of "no's," lots of rejection and lots of defeat. But I have learned a hell of a lot and for some reason I am absolutely not ready to give up, even though now at this point, it seems that everything stands against me. The business is hard, but when your instrument fails on you then its almost as though you have nothing left.

Needless to say, wondering if you are ever going to sing again is far different then wondering if you will ever make it as an artist and here I am left with both. So with both questions in mind I find it hard to motivate to get ready for my big west coast trip, let alone my show on wednesday here in New York, let alone to get upstairs and even go to bed.

I guess some might call this a slight depression and maybe it is, then again it may be the steroids I am souped up on to get through these next few shows....who knows. All I know is I want out. Hopefully I will have all of this worked out soon, though this would entails scheduling my surgery, which would entail working out how I am going to pay for all of this, which is a story all its own and for another time.

Right now the debate over whether Kate Bosworth or Nicole Richie have bonier rib cages is far too enthralling for me.

x
Red Out Loud

Mr. Derek James and other excitement!

When I found out that I had a cyst on my vocal cord, irrepairable (is that a word) without surgery I was headed towards a GREAT month of shows. I had quit my job as a party planner/promoter/office administrator (gotta pay bills)! And decided to face music head on. I have lived in Manhattan for 8 years, 4 and a half of which devoted entirely to my music career. But I always had a job, a job, though fun, that I took quite seriously. And lucrative it was. Throwing parties for my closest and not so close friends helped me maintain an INCREDIBLY flexible schedule while playing music and having what was probably too much fun. Smooth sailing, I thought, until I realized four years down the line that though I had become quite successful here in Manhattan as an artist, playing sold out shows to audiences at Canal Room, Joe's Pub and other venues, opening for great artists I truly respected and creating some very great tracks with some of the best musicians around that I was not 100% in it. So I got rid of the paying job, I got rid of my relatively expensive Gramercy apartment and I decided to take the leap. I could not decide if NYC was worh another full year so I became officially homeless (by that I mean that I decided to move home, 10 minutes from Manhattan, to a my parents huge house with swimming pool, hot tub and west wing all to myself). Not so horrible sounding. And I have to admit, its not. I probably should have done this quite a while back....but here I am 26, at home with my parents (not half as bad as it sounds) and ready to go for it. LA for August, tour the North East with my friend Derek's band (or plan to) in the fall.

And even July was sounding exciting, I had a GREAT double bill show set up with my friends AtomicTom (www.myspace.com/atomictom) at Arlene's- the big send off show to LA. Then my great friend Derek James asked me to sing back up for him at his big summer show at The Bowery Ballroom. This is a room that I not only love to see shows in, but its a room I would DIE to play in as my own band, but even to be asked to play as a back up singer was an honor. Derek is truly talented and not in that regular great voice great songs way, he has a sound all his own that brings to mind ragtime/swing/barbeshop quartets/and decades of music ranging from the 20's to the 60's. It's broad and concise in style all at once. And its addictive! Now this is not to say that learning the back ups has gone swimmingly- its been a challenge and with my voice in rough shape its been more challenging. BUT I wanted to be a part of this show so badly that when my doctors (first and 2nd opinion) told me that I would need surgery and reccoperation time of up to 2 months I said "PLEASE you have to help me get through July. My three most exciting shows, Derek, Arlene's and LA are just around the corner."

So I have been hyped up on steriods (prednisone- thats what they give you) all month hoping to get through these shows! And I intend to! Check back soon for footage from Derek's show this weekend....

xxx
Red Out Loud

Do you have to be selfish to be an artist?

Yesterday I had a non artist friend of mine freely tell me that they believe that all artists, actors, musicians, singers etc. must be selfish at heart if their chosen life path is the be a performer. I have had a few non artist friends make this supposition in the past. And as the stubborn red headed/hot headed artist that I have always been I often fight my friends tooth and nail over a statement like this. There assumption has largely to do with the tabloids they read, the nightly entertainment shows they watch in suspense, the mtv reality shows that hold their interest longer then any shakespeare play might. All of this media portrayal of "stars" (actors, singers, personalities) makes non artists (or "regular people" as I often secretly refer to them) think that all an artist wants is recognition, media coverage, money, applause, attention.

And secretly, I kind of understand how they might assume that. I mean look around the amount of coverage surrounding "Paris goes to Jail" far surpasses the amount of media coverage regarding the current state in Sudan. Let me point out, Paris= NOT an artist. Paris= little rich girl gone wrong, parents who paid no attention so she needs to beg for the attention of the rest of the world. Sad. How many times have we read about LIndsay Lohan going to rehab (not how many times has she actually gone- because that is too many times to count for a recent 21 year old), but how much coverage did that get?! She is an artist, an actress, acclaimed, not by the critics that count, but at least by the general press, tabloid writer and public. Lindsay Lohan= poor girl with sicko mother who got her into this business too young. Who knows? maybe if LIndsay had been given the chance at normal life she might have been the next Hillary (probably not, I'm just making a point ;))!

So, I get it, non artists think- this is what artists want. Fame, money, rehab (maybe not rehab), jail (maybe not that either), attention and a beach house in Malibu (ok, I would definitely take the beach house- but who wouldn't).

But then let me ask you this?

What is your favortie thing to do on a saturday night? Long week at work doing something maybe more "beneficial" for the world then making music or movies.....say you are, a doctor? Fine, you want pne night off, what do you do? There are loads of options....you could sit on your couch and face the wall and think about life. To me that sounds like loads of fun. You could have a quiet night drink a glass of wine, hang with your significant other. You could take a long walk around your block, your neighborhood.....

And these are the only activities I can come up with that dont involve reaping the benefits of a talented artist. Truthfully you can't even read a book without reaping the talents of an artist. Author=artist. Book= entertainment. Forget turning on that television and watching that made for tv movie, forget heading out to the movie theater for the latest bond movie, forget going to see your favorite band play at the garden or even going to hear your favorite local jazz band play at the local bar or restaurant. Forget putting on your favorite cd to listen to your favorite singers who you can no longer see play live because they are long gone, but at least you have that record so that their art can live on. Forget it all....

Artists dont only provide you with activity a lot of artists, actors, musicians, movie makers songwriters provide you with some of your most fond lifelong memories, they provide you with moments of your life you won't forget, but that you can fortunately return to at least in memory because that movie or song will always be available to listen to or watch.

How many people remember the song that was playing when they had their first dance with a boy or girl. You are 12 years old (maybe older or younger) you are at some frightening school dance, bar or bat mitzvah, sweet 16, birthday party, whatever...and a slow song comes on. You look down at yourself, wonder if you will stand alone on the side of the dance floor on your own through the song, while other (girls in my case) get picked up one by one to dance to cyndi Lauper's "time after Time" for example. Then, without realizing someone grabs your hand leads you out and there youare, dancing, your first "slow dance," with pre teen 'x"'s arms around your waste your arms just touching his shoulders, its awkward, but its memorable and not just because its your first of many encounters like this one, but because there was a song that spurred the action. And you don't forget it and secretly you thank it, the song, cyndi, the stereo/DJ/band playing the song. There you have it. A memory. All thanks to some, um, selfish artist.

My father and mother appreciate music to such a high degree that its a part of their every day life. There s never a moment that music is not playing in our home, that my father isnt asking me, "deena, who do you think is singing that song?" or worse sometimes (but not his fault) "Deena, why dont you sing jazz standards?" Though the question irks me, I know he is well intentioned and that he just loves that style of music, it makes him think of his past, his family, his mother who adores that style of music. I point out then that the bands he loves to play on our long family car rides also include some major rock stars of his time, so not to discount the rock and roll of it all. He smiles, he knows i'm right ;). My father is a doctor, my mother is a therapist, but music is part of their lives, they couldn;t live without it, they may not be married without it! My dad brought over the Hall and Oats record with the song "Sarah Smiles" to propose to my mother (Sarah), when he was 20 years old. Cheesey maybe, but cute, and that is a memory etched in their minds forever.

But let me say this. Those of you that assume all artists are selfish may be right in some way. Yes the applause feels good, the praise feels great and I imagine, though im not there in my career yet, that selling your art (acting/singing/songs) must feel amazing. Buying a house in Malibu or the hamptons or bermuda or the west village or whatever expensive areae suts your taste must feel incredible, rewarding beyond belief.

None of that is why you are right about our inclination towards selfishness. It's true, if you want to be an artist, a successful artist you have to selfish. You have to pretty much devote your whole life to your craft, your passion, your dream. That means extensive training, hours of rehearsals, constant socializing within networks that might lead you towards someone who can help you make that big break. And that is selfish, a person gives a lot for that, family time, friend time, very often it means even giving up something as simple, but necessary as sleep. And, no, its not to save someone's life, but it is in order to be successful, get ahead and maybe, just maybe, get the opportunity to get paid to do what you feel you are best at. You send countless invites to people, friends, family inviting them to performances, shows, movie screenings, to buy your cd on itunes, then skip a night out for their birthday or engagement party or baby's naming because you have a show out of town, you just cant miss. It's selfish, for sure, it is. I am the first to admit it. But its all for the love of the art, its all for the dream and an artist may lose friends and worse family along the way but they are going for it, no matter what.

Then, of course, there is your instrument. Guess what, its not easy to sing, to act, to look right "for the part." And to manage all of that also requires a few selfish bones. Had I been a little more selfish (and believe me I am the first to admit I am selfish in many ways) I may not be sitting here in New Jersey on voice rest instead of visiting my Uncle for his 60th birthday up at his home in Lake George. Some artists call it sacrifices, but I suppose its selfishness as well. I mean it is, the pursuit of my career requires keeping my body and my vocal cords in good shape so that maybe one day I will be successful. I am pretty sure that other careers require sacrifices/selfish acts such as skipping out on family/friend affairs in order to gain a step towards success. In fact I am positive.

This long, wordy (maybe selfish) little entry is not some call for pity to us lonely artists around the world sacrificing every day for our art. And I am not denying the perks of fame and success. BUT I will say that if any of you feel so inclined to tell a dreamy artist friend of yours that all artists, actors, singers, musicians etc. are all selfish, think about what you are saying and exactly what you mean by that. Go listen to your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, think about the people involved who aren't highlighted weekly in your favorite tabloid (which by the way- without tabloids many of you would be bored to tears). Not every artist wants or gains that ttention. But yes, we are selfish, we kind of have to be, and hopefully you benefit from it!

I talk too much :) But can you blame me? In about a month I will be silent for a few weeks because I am going to try to get a doctor to put my vocal cords back together for me. Wait and see how long my blogs will be then!

Love to you all, artists and non artists alike! Hope whatever you want to do with your life is what you end up doing, no matter what it takes to get there! But dont forget people along the way because the people you hit on your way up you CRASH into on your way down. And that is a whole other entry for another time!

Back to my "voice rest!"

xRed Out Loud