I find myself here in Los Angeles (Santa Monica at the moment, to be exact), awaiting my big show on Tuesday. The show is turning out to be a bigger one then expected. Not only has my friend Shai promoted the hell out of it to his good friends, he has promoted the hell out of it to various executives and assistants that he is friendly with at different agencies in the area. So, needless to say, I am now nervous. It is a strange experience to go out of town and play for an entirely new audience. I am used to Manhattan, my friends in Manhattan, the industry I know so well in Manhattan and the venues in Manhattan. The idea of playing for people who have never heard my music before, who are just coming out on a whim because a friend suggested they do is a very daunting thought to me. Don't get me wrong, I will have some family there and then of course some great friends of mine who live in the area, but for the most part it will be unfamiliar territory. And I am afraid people won't like it. I know it makes no sense to have negative thoughts, in fact, I know having negative thoughts often makes negative thoughts come true, so I am trying not to have them. I am trying to be excited about sharing the stage with new musicians, sharing my music with new people and having a chance to introduce myself and my music to some new people who may be able to help me take it in a new direction. I have my fingers crossed!
I decided last minute to hire a percussionist and then VERY last minute to hire a keyboard player. We have rehearsal tonight. My friend Dov, from the band Fools For April is opening up for me and then playing guitar and singing for me in my band. He seemed slightly perturbed to have me add last minute players to the band. I am not sure if its because he is playing acoustic with his partner and me on background vocals or because it means we had to add a rehearsal to our otherwise VERY laid back LA schedule....either way, sometimes you gotta do whats best for you and hope the people around you roll with it. He seems to be rolling. Last preperation act is to get him a guitar because unfortunately for both of us, upon his arrival to LA he found that his guitar had broken in a crucial spot and is being fixed, but will be ready only on MONDAY! Damn! More money out to the window.....for some reason I have no job for the first time in my life and my mentality about money has shifted from careful to money is no object. Its almost as though when I spend my money on my music its as if its going to some sort of charitable cause- so i feel no guilt!
Silly me....
And then in all of this, my voice.....I am so nercous about my voice. I just need it to hold strong tonight and then on Tuesday. I am praying that I sound good for this show. I may pop an extra steroid pill on Tuesday just to be sure. And after that I have no clue when I will be singing again. Which is such a strange feeling on so many levels. My surgery is not officially scheduled, due to insurance issues, which is a whole other entry full of material. Either way it means I have no time line for when I will recorver from the surgery and when I might sing again. Which makes this show mean so much to me on so many levels, because after this the fun is over. It will be all business from then until I can sing again. Promotin gmyself, meeting people, writing, networking and just putting things into place for when I am ready to continue on my professional journey.....
So scared! Pray for me. I am reading a book called the secret which is telling me if I simply think happy thoughts they will come true. So I am thinking happy thoughts!
x,
Red Out Loud
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