Do you have to be selfish to be an artist?

Yesterday I had a non artist friend of mine freely tell me that they believe that all artists, actors, musicians, singers etc. must be selfish at heart if their chosen life path is the be a performer. I have had a few non artist friends make this supposition in the past. And as the stubborn red headed/hot headed artist that I have always been I often fight my friends tooth and nail over a statement like this. There assumption has largely to do with the tabloids they read, the nightly entertainment shows they watch in suspense, the mtv reality shows that hold their interest longer then any shakespeare play might. All of this media portrayal of "stars" (actors, singers, personalities) makes non artists (or "regular people" as I often secretly refer to them) think that all an artist wants is recognition, media coverage, money, applause, attention.

And secretly, I kind of understand how they might assume that. I mean look around the amount of coverage surrounding "Paris goes to Jail" far surpasses the amount of media coverage regarding the current state in Sudan. Let me point out, Paris= NOT an artist. Paris= little rich girl gone wrong, parents who paid no attention so she needs to beg for the attention of the rest of the world. Sad. How many times have we read about LIndsay Lohan going to rehab (not how many times has she actually gone- because that is too many times to count for a recent 21 year old), but how much coverage did that get?! She is an artist, an actress, acclaimed, not by the critics that count, but at least by the general press, tabloid writer and public. Lindsay Lohan= poor girl with sicko mother who got her into this business too young. Who knows? maybe if LIndsay had been given the chance at normal life she might have been the next Hillary (probably not, I'm just making a point ;))!

So, I get it, non artists think- this is what artists want. Fame, money, rehab (maybe not rehab), jail (maybe not that either), attention and a beach house in Malibu (ok, I would definitely take the beach house- but who wouldn't).

But then let me ask you this?

What is your favortie thing to do on a saturday night? Long week at work doing something maybe more "beneficial" for the world then making music or movies.....say you are, a doctor? Fine, you want pne night off, what do you do? There are loads of options....you could sit on your couch and face the wall and think about life. To me that sounds like loads of fun. You could have a quiet night drink a glass of wine, hang with your significant other. You could take a long walk around your block, your neighborhood.....

And these are the only activities I can come up with that dont involve reaping the benefits of a talented artist. Truthfully you can't even read a book without reaping the talents of an artist. Author=artist. Book= entertainment. Forget turning on that television and watching that made for tv movie, forget heading out to the movie theater for the latest bond movie, forget going to see your favorite band play at the garden or even going to hear your favorite local jazz band play at the local bar or restaurant. Forget putting on your favorite cd to listen to your favorite singers who you can no longer see play live because they are long gone, but at least you have that record so that their art can live on. Forget it all....

Artists dont only provide you with activity a lot of artists, actors, musicians, movie makers songwriters provide you with some of your most fond lifelong memories, they provide you with moments of your life you won't forget, but that you can fortunately return to at least in memory because that movie or song will always be available to listen to or watch.

How many people remember the song that was playing when they had their first dance with a boy or girl. You are 12 years old (maybe older or younger) you are at some frightening school dance, bar or bat mitzvah, sweet 16, birthday party, whatever...and a slow song comes on. You look down at yourself, wonder if you will stand alone on the side of the dance floor on your own through the song, while other (girls in my case) get picked up one by one to dance to cyndi Lauper's "time after Time" for example. Then, without realizing someone grabs your hand leads you out and there youare, dancing, your first "slow dance," with pre teen 'x"'s arms around your waste your arms just touching his shoulders, its awkward, but its memorable and not just because its your first of many encounters like this one, but because there was a song that spurred the action. And you don't forget it and secretly you thank it, the song, cyndi, the stereo/DJ/band playing the song. There you have it. A memory. All thanks to some, um, selfish artist.

My father and mother appreciate music to such a high degree that its a part of their every day life. There s never a moment that music is not playing in our home, that my father isnt asking me, "deena, who do you think is singing that song?" or worse sometimes (but not his fault) "Deena, why dont you sing jazz standards?" Though the question irks me, I know he is well intentioned and that he just loves that style of music, it makes him think of his past, his family, his mother who adores that style of music. I point out then that the bands he loves to play on our long family car rides also include some major rock stars of his time, so not to discount the rock and roll of it all. He smiles, he knows i'm right ;). My father is a doctor, my mother is a therapist, but music is part of their lives, they couldn;t live without it, they may not be married without it! My dad brought over the Hall and Oats record with the song "Sarah Smiles" to propose to my mother (Sarah), when he was 20 years old. Cheesey maybe, but cute, and that is a memory etched in their minds forever.

But let me say this. Those of you that assume all artists are selfish may be right in some way. Yes the applause feels good, the praise feels great and I imagine, though im not there in my career yet, that selling your art (acting/singing/songs) must feel amazing. Buying a house in Malibu or the hamptons or bermuda or the west village or whatever expensive areae suts your taste must feel incredible, rewarding beyond belief.

None of that is why you are right about our inclination towards selfishness. It's true, if you want to be an artist, a successful artist you have to selfish. You have to pretty much devote your whole life to your craft, your passion, your dream. That means extensive training, hours of rehearsals, constant socializing within networks that might lead you towards someone who can help you make that big break. And that is selfish, a person gives a lot for that, family time, friend time, very often it means even giving up something as simple, but necessary as sleep. And, no, its not to save someone's life, but it is in order to be successful, get ahead and maybe, just maybe, get the opportunity to get paid to do what you feel you are best at. You send countless invites to people, friends, family inviting them to performances, shows, movie screenings, to buy your cd on itunes, then skip a night out for their birthday or engagement party or baby's naming because you have a show out of town, you just cant miss. It's selfish, for sure, it is. I am the first to admit it. But its all for the love of the art, its all for the dream and an artist may lose friends and worse family along the way but they are going for it, no matter what.

Then, of course, there is your instrument. Guess what, its not easy to sing, to act, to look right "for the part." And to manage all of that also requires a few selfish bones. Had I been a little more selfish (and believe me I am the first to admit I am selfish in many ways) I may not be sitting here in New Jersey on voice rest instead of visiting my Uncle for his 60th birthday up at his home in Lake George. Some artists call it sacrifices, but I suppose its selfishness as well. I mean it is, the pursuit of my career requires keeping my body and my vocal cords in good shape so that maybe one day I will be successful. I am pretty sure that other careers require sacrifices/selfish acts such as skipping out on family/friend affairs in order to gain a step towards success. In fact I am positive.

This long, wordy (maybe selfish) little entry is not some call for pity to us lonely artists around the world sacrificing every day for our art. And I am not denying the perks of fame and success. BUT I will say that if any of you feel so inclined to tell a dreamy artist friend of yours that all artists, actors, singers, musicians etc. are all selfish, think about what you are saying and exactly what you mean by that. Go listen to your favorite song, watch your favorite movie, think about the people involved who aren't highlighted weekly in your favorite tabloid (which by the way- without tabloids many of you would be bored to tears). Not every artist wants or gains that ttention. But yes, we are selfish, we kind of have to be, and hopefully you benefit from it!

I talk too much :) But can you blame me? In about a month I will be silent for a few weeks because I am going to try to get a doctor to put my vocal cords back together for me. Wait and see how long my blogs will be then!

Love to you all, artists and non artists alike! Hope whatever you want to do with your life is what you end up doing, no matter what it takes to get there! But dont forget people along the way because the people you hit on your way up you CRASH into on your way down. And that is a whole other entry for another time!

Back to my "voice rest!"

xRed Out Loud