All of my friends are falling in love around me. The good ones and the bad ones. The ones who deserve it and the ones who don't. And I am still standing here. Closed for business. Do you think its because I keep him around? Maybe if I dropped it all with him, even the e mails back and forth, maybe I'd move on. And maybe my energy would shift, or something cheesy like that?
Who knows, I don't know, I don't get it. It's not as though I am not happy for everyone around me. I am just wondering why I don't deserve it too. How passive does that sound!
I'm too extreme. I'm in for one day, out the next, I rotate men like I wash my hair. Every two days and there is another one in the mix (bed). I thought Charlotte would warm me up, apparently it's not enough.
Is this lack of integrity bringing me bad energy? If I treated myself with just smallest degree of respect, would things turn right? I don't know. I don't know if I care. I don't know if I just find this way easier. No falls, good or bad, no need to be picked up, good or bad. None of it.
All I know, is I must be missing a step or two.
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