Dr. Michael J. Pitman

I found him. My surgeon. He came into my life out of the blue and I fell hard!

Seriously, friends, that is what it is like when you suffer from a medical problem that you just want to get taken care of, you are having problems with your insurance company and no one will work with you and suddenly you find a doctor, who is good at what he does, who takes your insurance and suddenly all is right in the world, all is in sync. Like falling in love. I am in medical love with Dr. Michael J. Pitman.

My insurance woes seem to be a thing of the past, my surgery is scheduled, my doctor is not only talented he is hot for gods sake!

September 26th, 2007, the cyst will be happily removed from the vocal chord so that i can continue my journey towards rock stardom, or at least so I can continue my journey somewhere and if that doesn't pan out, at least I can sing about it!

Crash, burn, crumble. My father tells me on Friday evening that September 26th, in fact, will not be my surgery date because he and my mother have planned a vacation for themselves that they are not willing to cancel. Which I suppose I understand, I mean they only go away on vacation about 4 times a year, so giving up this one would indefinitely ruin their lives. Now, because my doctor only does surgery the first and third wednesday of the month I have to put this surgery off another 2 weeks instead of one week. I appreciate my parents and their supportive attitude about what I do and what I am going through, but I would honestly rather get this over with now then have them in town when I get this over with. Basically, the bottom line here is that right now for the moment I am pissed as hell at my own creators for not shelling out whatever dough it is to postpone their trip by a week or two so that I can finish with this issue already. Not to mention that I am in fact an adult, at an age I'd rather not reveal, which entitles me the right to make my own decision, so that if i want to have this surgery while they are away they have no right to tell me I can't.

And that is my vent for the day, now its not my insurance, its not my trip to LA, its my parents getting in the way. An addition to my streak of bad luck. What to do.

In other news, because my inability to sing has caused me an inability to pursue my music personally and professionaly in general I have taken on a new project. Remember Mr. Derek James from one of my earlier entries? Well he has approached me and asked me for some help on his career. It happens to be that I know an exorbitant amount of people in this small New York music business and he seems to think I can help him get somewhere. So I booked him an opening slot on my friend and Geffen Recording artist Matt White's October tour, I booked him a slot at the New York City Marathon and we are working on some more fun things for Derek.

It is definitely a strange thing to transfer energy from my own career onto someone else's but in a way its humbling and its a great way to come up with ideas to help him and also to help myself in the long run.

And call me crazy, but out of all of this new artist management craziness, my boyfriend Dean and I decided to start up a company to manage and promote artists. We are calling it Rebel Spirit. Yes I know mixing business with pleasure can lead to disaster and with my luck it probably will, but still, at this point in my life I spend every day on the couch awaiting my surgery, so why not busy myself with something productive and music I believe in!

There you have it.

x,
red out loud

Arlene's with Atomictom!

What an amazing show I had at Arlene's Grocery with Atomictom. I have not written about it as of yet and its been 3 weeks, one show and a 2 week trip to LA since then, but I must include it in this blog, because it was a big part of my "months before surgery."

Luke White of the Manhattan based band, Atomictom, is a dear friend, a dear person and a great talent. He and I have known each other for many years and have watched each other perform shows all over Manhattan. Finally we made great big plans to do a big show together, my last in NYC before my trip to LA and my break from performing.

It was a fantastic night, PACKED house (thank you to all of you that made it out) and the new band I tried out was wonderful (many members of my original band were out on the road with other artists). We worked out free drink tickets (with the help of the Major Who Team) to be given to all those in attendance and people had a blast. Luke and I were stoked and all went well.

I was more conscious then ever about singing, there were no throw away lines, no throw away notes, every moment counted to me because the truth is I just have no idea when I will be able to perform for my loyal new york friends and fans (or for anyone for that matter) again. It was emotional, it was scary and it was an absolute triumph!

The show was a perfect send off for my trip to LA, which you can read about below, was a super success and I can not wait to get back there!

x
Red Out Loud

Sicko

I have not seen the movie Mr. Moore calls his greatest piece, but I am now experiencing American Healthcare system personally, so why see the movie?

I need surgery on my vocal cords so that I can possibly achieve a career in music, one I have been pushing for since I am young. The only problem is that I am finding out that my insurance may not cover this surgery. No good reason other then the fact that I have only been on my insurance for three consecutive months. Here in this country you must not only have insurance, you must have it for at least 12 months consecutively if you want to have any medical needs covered. Surgery that is. So if you are just reading this and are just recognizing that you need to get yourself some health insurance, please a) get it and then b) dont plan on walking outside because if you, let's say, god forbid, get hit by a car you will have to live with your injuries for over a year if you want your health insurance provider to give you any money towards your need. Oh, unless you are rich, then you can pay THOUSANDS of dollars just to sit in a hospital and fix it yourself.

I found out about this injury to my vocal chords three months into my insurance membership, my first attempt to deal with my problem was to see a doctor out of my network, then to try and switch up to an insurance plan that he might accept then to find out that a new insurance plan would count this as a preexisting condition, then to find out that maybe I might pay my doctor out of pocket and still have my hospital stay covered, then to find out that most doctors only participate with the hospital, to then find out that there is a doctor in my network who is capable of this surgery to then find out it still may not be covered because of my short membership with my insurance company. My options are looking like I either will have to BEG to have this done, because without this surgery I will be stuck at home, with no way of making money until March which is when I would LEGALLY be allowed to have this surgery and be sure my insurance would cover it, my other option is to pay $15000 for this surgery. $10,000 of which goes to my hospital stay. This is an in and out procedure, so im not sure why 2 hours in the hospital costs $10,000. If you must know, the professional who is going to actually fix my instrument would only cost about $4,000 which is a reasonable price, in my opinion, to save your life blood!

This is my precarious situation. I sit, I wait, I talk to insurance companies and billing managers at doctors offices all day. It's amazing.

The Mint

I wonder when my next show will be. Tonight I played my last scheduled show before my potentially scheduled vocal surgery. It was incredible. My first out of town show, here in LA and I brought out about 50 people, lots of industry and many new faces. The sound was great, everyone at the mint was so accommadating and my voice was in excellent shape. "The Secret" and the additionaly steroids really came in handy!

I started the night playing with Fools For APril- it was a blast to sing backgrounds for them, then I had my band come up and weplayed a set. It seemed to be well received, there was some talking in the audience, but there was also a lot of applause and a lot of great feedback after! A reporter from the Jewish Journal wants to discuss a potential piece, I have a meeting set with a potential lawyer and I met 2 of my myspace fans which was amazing!

I am now wired because we went to Swingers for food and drink and I am still on a high from the show- which is what I love so much about performing....

My voice felt today as though I had willed away my injury- and wouldn't that be a dream....we shall see...all i know is performing is addictive and I cant wait to get back up!

Thanks to all who made it out and helped me make this very successful!

More to come!

The night before

Tonight is the night before my show at the Mint. So far I have spent a very relaxing day for the most part on my own. I had a quick meeting at BMI- the publishing network I am attached to. These are non profit organizations that handle royalties for artists and in turn are great for artist relations. Well I have no royalties as of yet....but I do like to network and relate, so this meeting was a fun one. I am not sure how much they can actually help me, but its good to meet people in the business out here, even if everyone's answer seems to be that its just hard. Well, hard does not scare me! Then I met with my friend Elana who recently got married, we had coffee at the infamous coffee bean and tea leaf (here in bev hills), I went and ate some dinner on my own, read more of THE SECRET in order to maintain my positive attitude and now I am in my temporary LA apartment (Thank you JOSH ALTMAN)!

My boyfriend and I had a great idea today. We decided he should come and meet me out here. I figure by Sunday I could use some company, moral support, vacation fun (plus will be nice to have him take me out to eat since I am basically broke)!- Just kidding, baby.

Well this all started as a happy go lucky idea, figured should be easy to put into place, however my boyfriend recently moved here from London and has a UK credit card and an american debit/credit card, one which is not taking on www.cheaptickets.com. Note to self, never use cheaptickets.com again! Dean (my love) is English, VERY, his accent is strong, strong , strong. And while he thinks most people should understand it, well, they don't. I only recently began to understand what he says to me (perhaps indicating the reason for the success of our relationship- who knows ;)). Anyway- no matter which way either of us put his credit card information in, the system simply would not budge. Please keep in mind- this was over the course of 2 hours....my internet here running slow and the dogs at home tearing apart the apartment on Deans end. No matter how many times we tried the only thing we could manage was to incur the 5 dollar processing fee over and over again, but no ticket purchase.

Finally we were brain enouh to switche avenues, went through priceline and jetblue and Dean arrives at 10 pm on Sunday night.

Phew!

now all I have to worry about is my set list, my voice, my show and my turnout tomorrow! That's nothing compared to this tickets disaster!

I am thrilled about tomorrow night. I have added a keyboard player and percussionist to my set and it sounds brilliant. We were able to rehearse in a super cool rehearsal space in Hllywood called Coles....very stripped and rustic but cool all the same. My percussionist, whose last name really is Lovejoy, brought many percussion toys along with him to rehearsal and helped get a great sound for the otherwise very rootsy, stripped set. And he brought in a keyboard player who killed it with one day to prepare! Dov sounded great and so needless to say, I am super psyched to share my music with an almost entirely new audience tomorrow! My positive mental attitude (a new one for me) is telling me that things will go great, smoothly and singing will be a breeze!

I will let you know how it all pans out!

x,
Red Out Loud
ps i realize that i said super many times in that last paragraph! Sorrrry.....

West Coast

I find myself here in Los Angeles (Santa Monica at the moment, to be exact), awaiting my big show on Tuesday. The show is turning out to be a bigger one then expected. Not only has my friend Shai promoted the hell out of it to his good friends, he has promoted the hell out of it to various executives and assistants that he is friendly with at different agencies in the area. So, needless to say, I am now nervous. It is a strange experience to go out of town and play for an entirely new audience. I am used to Manhattan, my friends in Manhattan, the industry I know so well in Manhattan and the venues in Manhattan. The idea of playing for people who have never heard my music before, who are just coming out on a whim because a friend suggested they do is a very daunting thought to me. Don't get me wrong, I will have some family there and then of course some great friends of mine who live in the area, but for the most part it will be unfamiliar territory. And I am afraid people won't like it. I know it makes no sense to have negative thoughts, in fact, I know having negative thoughts often makes negative thoughts come true, so I am trying not to have them. I am trying to be excited about sharing the stage with new musicians, sharing my music with new people and having a chance to introduce myself and my music to some new people who may be able to help me take it in a new direction. I have my fingers crossed!

I decided last minute to hire a percussionist and then VERY last minute to hire a keyboard player. We have rehearsal tonight. My friend Dov, from the band Fools For April is opening up for me and then playing guitar and singing for me in my band. He seemed slightly perturbed to have me add last minute players to the band. I am not sure if its because he is playing acoustic with his partner and me on background vocals or because it means we had to add a rehearsal to our otherwise VERY laid back LA schedule....either way, sometimes you gotta do whats best for you and hope the people around you roll with it. He seems to be rolling. Last preperation act is to get him a guitar because unfortunately for both of us, upon his arrival to LA he found that his guitar had broken in a crucial spot and is being fixed, but will be ready only on MONDAY! Damn! More money out to the window.....for some reason I have no job for the first time in my life and my mentality about money has shifted from careful to money is no object. Its almost as though when I spend my money on my music its as if its going to some sort of charitable cause- so i feel no guilt!

Silly me....

And then in all of this, my voice.....I am so nercous about my voice. I just need it to hold strong tonight and then on Tuesday. I am praying that I sound good for this show. I may pop an extra steroid pill on Tuesday just to be sure. And after that I have no clue when I will be singing again. Which is such a strange feeling on so many levels. My surgery is not officially scheduled, due to insurance issues, which is a whole other entry full of material. Either way it means I have no time line for when I will recorver from the surgery and when I might sing again. Which makes this show mean so much to me on so many levels, because after this the fun is over. It will be all business from then until I can sing again. Promotin gmyself, meeting people, writing, networking and just putting things into place for when I am ready to continue on my professional journey.....

So scared! Pray for me. I am reading a book called the secret which is telling me if I simply think happy thoughts they will come true. So I am thinking happy thoughts!

x,
Red Out Loud

Depressed.

I am preparing for my trip to LA and for my show on Wednesday, by preparing I mean, barely getting anything done at all. In fact right now, instead of sifting through clothing trying to pick out some semblence of an few outfits that might allow me to appear a little less New York for my two week LA stint, I am watching Vh1 debate whether Ashlee or Jessica Simpson are better then then other.

When did either one of them become worth anybody's time?

I remember seeing Jessica Simpson play her radio promotion showcase at the Bottom Line when I was 18 years old. I was about to start school at new York University full of dreams of hitting New York running. I couldnt believe I was surrounded by all of these "executives." I went with a family friend who worked in the business and I thought I was so old and mature and it is only now, at this point in my life (mid twenties) that I can see just how young a girl is and probably acts at 18,19,20. Either way, this was one of my first experiences spending any time on any side of this crazy business of music. And I thought Jessica Simpson was just fabulous and gorgeous. Again, I knew very little, remember, I was only 18. Regardless, it solidified my presence on earth. It was what I was meant to do...It is what I am meant to do, I mean on every level I should be able to surpass a woman who is as talentless and brainless and in, my opinion, heartless as Jessica Simpson. Harsh, I know. And since then I have faced lots of "no's," lots of rejection and lots of defeat. But I have learned a hell of a lot and for some reason I am absolutely not ready to give up, even though now at this point, it seems that everything stands against me. The business is hard, but when your instrument fails on you then its almost as though you have nothing left.

Needless to say, wondering if you are ever going to sing again is far different then wondering if you will ever make it as an artist and here I am left with both. So with both questions in mind I find it hard to motivate to get ready for my big west coast trip, let alone my show on wednesday here in New York, let alone to get upstairs and even go to bed.

I guess some might call this a slight depression and maybe it is, then again it may be the steroids I am souped up on to get through these next few shows....who knows. All I know is I want out. Hopefully I will have all of this worked out soon, though this would entails scheduling my surgery, which would entail working out how I am going to pay for all of this, which is a story all its own and for another time.

Right now the debate over whether Kate Bosworth or Nicole Richie have bonier rib cages is far too enthralling for me.

x
Red Out Loud