Days after my last entry I write with good and bad news. Lots of it.
#1 I have rescheduled my surgery for October 12th, since I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to sing at Carnegie Hall on the 10th and felt that rescheduling my surgery was worth that show. So the good news is that I did not have to wait long for a new date and the bad news is I am only 10 days away from my upcoming 7 day SILENCE.
#2 In rescheduling my surgery I found out that my insurance will in fact cover part of this cost if I do want to go with the number 1 doctor of choice. Good news is- I get to use a widely known and trusted doctor in this field. Bad news is- he is not half as hot as the "covered by my insurance" doctor (also a talented one). But I suppose in the case of your life- hot is not what counts. Whatever....
#3 I am half way towards booking my company's first big event (and my return to social life event) taking place on December 5th at the Rockwood Musichall! YAY!!! Go www.rebelspiritmusic.com!
And that is that. All the Good and Bad news.
Last night I had a dream about silence, I was silent throughout the entire dream, on the subway, in stores and whatever else I did in my dream for the day. It was not easy and I know it wont be easy. i cant imagine the kind of things I will come up with when the only person I can talk to for 7 days is myself.
Should be an interesting Journey. I will say, it is making both my parents and my boyfriend a little happier then I would have expected- ouch ;)!
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Validated
Strangely, an on line blog somewhat validates your otherwise "unidentifiable" life. One minute you are just another girl walking the streets, running your errands, doing your job (whatever that may be), dating the men you date, surviving the drama that impacts most anyone's life at one time or another: family, friends, love, hate. Or maybe you are one of those people that does not have drama on a regular level, maybe its worse. Either way, writing it down makes it all the more real and at the same time can take you out of it. So people write and now, thanks to the internet, people can write about and show it to the world. And then maybe get a book deal, or advertising or some kind of reward that turns your everyday life into something spectacular, makes you feel big and I suppose "Identifiable." Some feel the book deal part is meaning and I feel the validating my otherwise empty days much more meaningful, even if i'm the only one to read this thing.
I literally write this blog because I have no one else to talk to during my days in waiting. Plus, I am really not supposed to talk out loud that much, which for me is the most drama I've had in a long time. Worse then any boy drama, friend drama, hell, even family drama, is the thought that I cant speak out loud. OUT LOUD.
SO in a way- this blog, whether anyone is reading it or not, validates my boring and QUIET existence and since i am not afraid to share most of my life with the people that do read it, you actually get some fun little stories and tid bits. I'm VALIDATED!
So in news. I CAN"T USE THE HOT DOC. Boo hoo. But the reason is good, and that is the fact that my idiot insurance company has finally agreed to cover most of my surgery bill with my first choice (older and less hot, but more experienced- one must prioritize) doctor!
Yay!
And in finding out that I would once again need to push off my date of inevitable surgery I freed up October 10th just as my friend Dov from the band Fools for April asked me to join him, THAT NIGHT, singing on stage at Carnegie Hall for the Elton John Tribute. Yes, that is a bill that includes Fools for April, ummm....Joss Stone, Pheobe Snow, Shawn Colvin and AIMEE MANN! (and me)!
Yay!
Last night at the New York Songwriter's Circle. Ari Hest, James Maddock, Matt Mayfield and the glorious Hugh Prestwood. One of my favorite nights to host and not just because Ari is a cutie! Well done gentlemen.
www.songwriters-circle.com
bye now!
I literally write this blog because I have no one else to talk to during my days in waiting. Plus, I am really not supposed to talk out loud that much, which for me is the most drama I've had in a long time. Worse then any boy drama, friend drama, hell, even family drama, is the thought that I cant speak out loud. OUT LOUD.
SO in a way- this blog, whether anyone is reading it or not, validates my boring and QUIET existence and since i am not afraid to share most of my life with the people that do read it, you actually get some fun little stories and tid bits. I'm VALIDATED!
So in news. I CAN"T USE THE HOT DOC. Boo hoo. But the reason is good, and that is the fact that my idiot insurance company has finally agreed to cover most of my surgery bill with my first choice (older and less hot, but more experienced- one must prioritize) doctor!
Yay!
And in finding out that I would once again need to push off my date of inevitable surgery I freed up October 10th just as my friend Dov from the band Fools for April asked me to join him, THAT NIGHT, singing on stage at Carnegie Hall for the Elton John Tribute. Yes, that is a bill that includes Fools for April, ummm....Joss Stone, Pheobe Snow, Shawn Colvin and AIMEE MANN! (and me)!
Yay!
Last night at the New York Songwriter's Circle. Ari Hest, James Maddock, Matt Mayfield and the glorious Hugh Prestwood. One of my favorite nights to host and not just because Ari is a cutie! Well done gentlemen.
www.songwriters-circle.com
bye now!
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Deep Thoughts by Red Out Loud: What to Do with Loads of Free Time
It's weird to live life and not actually do anything. Literally spending days biding time. In my life absence or absence of life I have aquired an addiction. To TV. And it makes sense to me. I mean, think about it, if your life is in limbo what else would you want to do? Watch a million lives that are not your own and pretend you are accomplishing what they are. yay.
I can't tell you how many minutes of this wait time I spend thinking about what I else I could do with my so called life. You would think when you lose your voice, you are a singer and you can't sing all you would think about would be singing, performing, playing music- things obvious like that. Not me. I think of everything else I could be, everyone else I could be. This may seem depressing to you, but it doesnt actually make me sad. It is just sort of something I do to pass my time. I suppose the sad part of it is that I could be doing some work towards my ultimate goal, but it seems without the product to sell I can't do any of the prep work either. Writing, meeting, none of it. So I am working on other people and other people's goals, diving head first into other people's lives. The way I do with my favorite TV characters.
Please watch the following shows if you too are looking for a diversion from your reality or lack there of:
Californication: mysoginistic but playful parody of life as a writer in LA. It tries to be deep and may achieve just that eventually, however at this point it simply morally derails women and their roles in LA society, something women in LA (forgive me for generalizing) have probably asked for.
Mad Men: Seemingly mysoginistic, but really only a depiction of an utterly mysoginistic, bigoted, closed hearted time period in our history. Cant blame them for acting and writing the truth. Intelligent gaze into the hearts and minds and flaws of all those personalities that made it up: buttoned up executives with lots to hide, Doris day housewives with lots to hide, working girls with lots to hide and even bohos with lots to hide. Seems mans tragic flaw has corrupted our world, work and home, for a very long time.
Tell Me You Love Me: 4 couples in different stages of their relationships explore the problems that go with them. FIghting through issues that in an ideal world would be worked through, but in real life might just remain issues to be worked through. Constantly.
All shows prove life, love and the pursuit of happiness (ah the age old cliche) are borderline unachievable at best.
Sould I take a hint?
Maybe it is no wonder that all three of these shows get me each time! I will blame it on the time I have, so much so that I can write to you about it all, or maybe its the 3 diet cokes I drank tonight keeping me up. I'm not supposed to drink Diet coke, but with 3 weeks until my surgery I have somehow deemed all inappropriate treatment of my voice allowable.
Stupid, really.
Cut to me at this very moment....About to sleep in my boyfriends empty bed in brooklyn while he rides DIsney land with his little nephews, my best friend is also my boyfriends roomate, she's in her bedroom lost again over her on and off boyfriend and there is a clock ticking above my head. Loudly.
Good thing I have ear plugs.
I can't tell you how many minutes of this wait time I spend thinking about what I else I could do with my so called life. You would think when you lose your voice, you are a singer and you can't sing all you would think about would be singing, performing, playing music- things obvious like that. Not me. I think of everything else I could be, everyone else I could be. This may seem depressing to you, but it doesnt actually make me sad. It is just sort of something I do to pass my time. I suppose the sad part of it is that I could be doing some work towards my ultimate goal, but it seems without the product to sell I can't do any of the prep work either. Writing, meeting, none of it. So I am working on other people and other people's goals, diving head first into other people's lives. The way I do with my favorite TV characters.
Please watch the following shows if you too are looking for a diversion from your reality or lack there of:
Californication: mysoginistic but playful parody of life as a writer in LA. It tries to be deep and may achieve just that eventually, however at this point it simply morally derails women and their roles in LA society, something women in LA (forgive me for generalizing) have probably asked for.
Mad Men: Seemingly mysoginistic, but really only a depiction of an utterly mysoginistic, bigoted, closed hearted time period in our history. Cant blame them for acting and writing the truth. Intelligent gaze into the hearts and minds and flaws of all those personalities that made it up: buttoned up executives with lots to hide, Doris day housewives with lots to hide, working girls with lots to hide and even bohos with lots to hide. Seems mans tragic flaw has corrupted our world, work and home, for a very long time.
Tell Me You Love Me: 4 couples in different stages of their relationships explore the problems that go with them. FIghting through issues that in an ideal world would be worked through, but in real life might just remain issues to be worked through. Constantly.
All shows prove life, love and the pursuit of happiness (ah the age old cliche) are borderline unachievable at best.
Sould I take a hint?
Maybe it is no wonder that all three of these shows get me each time! I will blame it on the time I have, so much so that I can write to you about it all, or maybe its the 3 diet cokes I drank tonight keeping me up. I'm not supposed to drink Diet coke, but with 3 weeks until my surgery I have somehow deemed all inappropriate treatment of my voice allowable.
Stupid, really.
Cut to me at this very moment....About to sleep in my boyfriends empty bed in brooklyn while he rides DIsney land with his little nephews, my best friend is also my boyfriends roomate, she's in her bedroom lost again over her on and off boyfriend and there is a clock ticking above my head. Loudly.
Good thing I have ear plugs.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Dr. Michael J. Pitman
I found him. My surgeon. He came into my life out of the blue and I fell hard!
Seriously, friends, that is what it is like when you suffer from a medical problem that you just want to get taken care of, you are having problems with your insurance company and no one will work with you and suddenly you find a doctor, who is good at what he does, who takes your insurance and suddenly all is right in the world, all is in sync. Like falling in love. I am in medical love with Dr. Michael J. Pitman.
My insurance woes seem to be a thing of the past, my surgery is scheduled, my doctor is not only talented he is hot for gods sake!
September 26th, 2007, the cyst will be happily removed from the vocal chord so that i can continue my journey towards rock stardom, or at least so I can continue my journey somewhere and if that doesn't pan out, at least I can sing about it!
Crash, burn, crumble. My father tells me on Friday evening that September 26th, in fact, will not be my surgery date because he and my mother have planned a vacation for themselves that they are not willing to cancel. Which I suppose I understand, I mean they only go away on vacation about 4 times a year, so giving up this one would indefinitely ruin their lives. Now, because my doctor only does surgery the first and third wednesday of the month I have to put this surgery off another 2 weeks instead of one week. I appreciate my parents and their supportive attitude about what I do and what I am going through, but I would honestly rather get this over with now then have them in town when I get this over with. Basically, the bottom line here is that right now for the moment I am pissed as hell at my own creators for not shelling out whatever dough it is to postpone their trip by a week or two so that I can finish with this issue already. Not to mention that I am in fact an adult, at an age I'd rather not reveal, which entitles me the right to make my own decision, so that if i want to have this surgery while they are away they have no right to tell me I can't.
And that is my vent for the day, now its not my insurance, its not my trip to LA, its my parents getting in the way. An addition to my streak of bad luck. What to do.
In other news, because my inability to sing has caused me an inability to pursue my music personally and professionaly in general I have taken on a new project. Remember Mr. Derek James from one of my earlier entries? Well he has approached me and asked me for some help on his career. It happens to be that I know an exorbitant amount of people in this small New York music business and he seems to think I can help him get somewhere. So I booked him an opening slot on my friend and Geffen Recording artist Matt White's October tour, I booked him a slot at the New York City Marathon and we are working on some more fun things for Derek.
It is definitely a strange thing to transfer energy from my own career onto someone else's but in a way its humbling and its a great way to come up with ideas to help him and also to help myself in the long run.
And call me crazy, but out of all of this new artist management craziness, my boyfriend Dean and I decided to start up a company to manage and promote artists. We are calling it Rebel Spirit. Yes I know mixing business with pleasure can lead to disaster and with my luck it probably will, but still, at this point in my life I spend every day on the couch awaiting my surgery, so why not busy myself with something productive and music I believe in!
There you have it.
x,
red out loud
Seriously, friends, that is what it is like when you suffer from a medical problem that you just want to get taken care of, you are having problems with your insurance company and no one will work with you and suddenly you find a doctor, who is good at what he does, who takes your insurance and suddenly all is right in the world, all is in sync. Like falling in love. I am in medical love with Dr. Michael J. Pitman.
My insurance woes seem to be a thing of the past, my surgery is scheduled, my doctor is not only talented he is hot for gods sake!
September 26th, 2007, the cyst will be happily removed from the vocal chord so that i can continue my journey towards rock stardom, or at least so I can continue my journey somewhere and if that doesn't pan out, at least I can sing about it!
Crash, burn, crumble. My father tells me on Friday evening that September 26th, in fact, will not be my surgery date because he and my mother have planned a vacation for themselves that they are not willing to cancel. Which I suppose I understand, I mean they only go away on vacation about 4 times a year, so giving up this one would indefinitely ruin their lives. Now, because my doctor only does surgery the first and third wednesday of the month I have to put this surgery off another 2 weeks instead of one week. I appreciate my parents and their supportive attitude about what I do and what I am going through, but I would honestly rather get this over with now then have them in town when I get this over with. Basically, the bottom line here is that right now for the moment I am pissed as hell at my own creators for not shelling out whatever dough it is to postpone their trip by a week or two so that I can finish with this issue already. Not to mention that I am in fact an adult, at an age I'd rather not reveal, which entitles me the right to make my own decision, so that if i want to have this surgery while they are away they have no right to tell me I can't.
And that is my vent for the day, now its not my insurance, its not my trip to LA, its my parents getting in the way. An addition to my streak of bad luck. What to do.
In other news, because my inability to sing has caused me an inability to pursue my music personally and professionaly in general I have taken on a new project. Remember Mr. Derek James from one of my earlier entries? Well he has approached me and asked me for some help on his career. It happens to be that I know an exorbitant amount of people in this small New York music business and he seems to think I can help him get somewhere. So I booked him an opening slot on my friend and Geffen Recording artist Matt White's October tour, I booked him a slot at the New York City Marathon and we are working on some more fun things for Derek.
It is definitely a strange thing to transfer energy from my own career onto someone else's but in a way its humbling and its a great way to come up with ideas to help him and also to help myself in the long run.
And call me crazy, but out of all of this new artist management craziness, my boyfriend Dean and I decided to start up a company to manage and promote artists. We are calling it Rebel Spirit. Yes I know mixing business with pleasure can lead to disaster and with my luck it probably will, but still, at this point in my life I spend every day on the couch awaiting my surgery, so why not busy myself with something productive and music I believe in!
There you have it.
x,
red out loud
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Arlene's with Atomictom!
What an amazing show I had at Arlene's Grocery with Atomictom. I have not written about it as of yet and its been 3 weeks, one show and a 2 week trip to LA since then, but I must include it in this blog, because it was a big part of my "months before surgery."
Luke White of the Manhattan based band, Atomictom, is a dear friend, a dear person and a great talent. He and I have known each other for many years and have watched each other perform shows all over Manhattan. Finally we made great big plans to do a big show together, my last in NYC before my trip to LA and my break from performing.
It was a fantastic night, PACKED house (thank you to all of you that made it out) and the new band I tried out was wonderful (many members of my original band were out on the road with other artists). We worked out free drink tickets (with the help of the Major Who Team) to be given to all those in attendance and people had a blast. Luke and I were stoked and all went well.
I was more conscious then ever about singing, there were no throw away lines, no throw away notes, every moment counted to me because the truth is I just have no idea when I will be able to perform for my loyal new york friends and fans (or for anyone for that matter) again. It was emotional, it was scary and it was an absolute triumph!
The show was a perfect send off for my trip to LA, which you can read about below, was a super success and I can not wait to get back there!
x
Red Out Loud
Luke White of the Manhattan based band, Atomictom, is a dear friend, a dear person and a great talent. He and I have known each other for many years and have watched each other perform shows all over Manhattan. Finally we made great big plans to do a big show together, my last in NYC before my trip to LA and my break from performing.
It was a fantastic night, PACKED house (thank you to all of you that made it out) and the new band I tried out was wonderful (many members of my original band were out on the road with other artists). We worked out free drink tickets (with the help of the Major Who Team) to be given to all those in attendance and people had a blast. Luke and I were stoked and all went well.
I was more conscious then ever about singing, there were no throw away lines, no throw away notes, every moment counted to me because the truth is I just have no idea when I will be able to perform for my loyal new york friends and fans (or for anyone for that matter) again. It was emotional, it was scary and it was an absolute triumph!
The show was a perfect send off for my trip to LA, which you can read about below, was a super success and I can not wait to get back there!
x
Red Out Loud
Sicko
I have not seen the movie Mr. Moore calls his greatest piece, but I am now experiencing American Healthcare system personally, so why see the movie?
I need surgery on my vocal cords so that I can possibly achieve a career in music, one I have been pushing for since I am young. The only problem is that I am finding out that my insurance may not cover this surgery. No good reason other then the fact that I have only been on my insurance for three consecutive months. Here in this country you must not only have insurance, you must have it for at least 12 months consecutively if you want to have any medical needs covered. Surgery that is. So if you are just reading this and are just recognizing that you need to get yourself some health insurance, please a) get it and then b) dont plan on walking outside because if you, let's say, god forbid, get hit by a car you will have to live with your injuries for over a year if you want your health insurance provider to give you any money towards your need. Oh, unless you are rich, then you can pay THOUSANDS of dollars just to sit in a hospital and fix it yourself.
I found out about this injury to my vocal chords three months into my insurance membership, my first attempt to deal with my problem was to see a doctor out of my network, then to try and switch up to an insurance plan that he might accept then to find out that a new insurance plan would count this as a preexisting condition, then to find out that maybe I might pay my doctor out of pocket and still have my hospital stay covered, then to find out that most doctors only participate with the hospital, to then find out that there is a doctor in my network who is capable of this surgery to then find out it still may not be covered because of my short membership with my insurance company. My options are looking like I either will have to BEG to have this done, because without this surgery I will be stuck at home, with no way of making money until March which is when I would LEGALLY be allowed to have this surgery and be sure my insurance would cover it, my other option is to pay $15000 for this surgery. $10,000 of which goes to my hospital stay. This is an in and out procedure, so im not sure why 2 hours in the hospital costs $10,000. If you must know, the professional who is going to actually fix my instrument would only cost about $4,000 which is a reasonable price, in my opinion, to save your life blood!
This is my precarious situation. I sit, I wait, I talk to insurance companies and billing managers at doctors offices all day. It's amazing.
I need surgery on my vocal cords so that I can possibly achieve a career in music, one I have been pushing for since I am young. The only problem is that I am finding out that my insurance may not cover this surgery. No good reason other then the fact that I have only been on my insurance for three consecutive months. Here in this country you must not only have insurance, you must have it for at least 12 months consecutively if you want to have any medical needs covered. Surgery that is. So if you are just reading this and are just recognizing that you need to get yourself some health insurance, please a) get it and then b) dont plan on walking outside because if you, let's say, god forbid, get hit by a car you will have to live with your injuries for over a year if you want your health insurance provider to give you any money towards your need. Oh, unless you are rich, then you can pay THOUSANDS of dollars just to sit in a hospital and fix it yourself.
I found out about this injury to my vocal chords three months into my insurance membership, my first attempt to deal with my problem was to see a doctor out of my network, then to try and switch up to an insurance plan that he might accept then to find out that a new insurance plan would count this as a preexisting condition, then to find out that maybe I might pay my doctor out of pocket and still have my hospital stay covered, then to find out that most doctors only participate with the hospital, to then find out that there is a doctor in my network who is capable of this surgery to then find out it still may not be covered because of my short membership with my insurance company. My options are looking like I either will have to BEG to have this done, because without this surgery I will be stuck at home, with no way of making money until March which is when I would LEGALLY be allowed to have this surgery and be sure my insurance would cover it, my other option is to pay $15000 for this surgery. $10,000 of which goes to my hospital stay. This is an in and out procedure, so im not sure why 2 hours in the hospital costs $10,000. If you must know, the professional who is going to actually fix my instrument would only cost about $4,000 which is a reasonable price, in my opinion, to save your life blood!
This is my precarious situation. I sit, I wait, I talk to insurance companies and billing managers at doctors offices all day. It's amazing.
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
The Mint
I wonder when my next show will be. Tonight I played my last scheduled show before my potentially scheduled vocal surgery. It was incredible. My first out of town show, here in LA and I brought out about 50 people, lots of industry and many new faces. The sound was great, everyone at the mint was so accommadating and my voice was in excellent shape. "The Secret" and the additionaly steroids really came in handy!
I started the night playing with Fools For APril- it was a blast to sing backgrounds for them, then I had my band come up and weplayed a set. It seemed to be well received, there was some talking in the audience, but there was also a lot of applause and a lot of great feedback after! A reporter from the Jewish Journal wants to discuss a potential piece, I have a meeting set with a potential lawyer and I met 2 of my myspace fans which was amazing!
I am now wired because we went to Swingers for food and drink and I am still on a high from the show- which is what I love so much about performing....
My voice felt today as though I had willed away my injury- and wouldn't that be a dream....we shall see...all i know is performing is addictive and I cant wait to get back up!
Thanks to all who made it out and helped me make this very successful!
More to come!
I started the night playing with Fools For APril- it was a blast to sing backgrounds for them, then I had my band come up and weplayed a set. It seemed to be well received, there was some talking in the audience, but there was also a lot of applause and a lot of great feedback after! A reporter from the Jewish Journal wants to discuss a potential piece, I have a meeting set with a potential lawyer and I met 2 of my myspace fans which was amazing!
I am now wired because we went to Swingers for food and drink and I am still on a high from the show- which is what I love so much about performing....
My voice felt today as though I had willed away my injury- and wouldn't that be a dream....we shall see...all i know is performing is addictive and I cant wait to get back up!
Thanks to all who made it out and helped me make this very successful!
More to come!
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